“I wanna be free
I wanna be free from the fear in me
Some things can break me
But nothing will take me down a part of me…..”
I am haunted every time by everything, I do have fear of death and of life too. I’m living between this duo-phobia. In my head, the series of being leper continues without a pause option. When I am in-vehicle, my heartbeat says ” you will have an accident “, when I am in the hill, my brain says ” you will fall “, When I am near water, cerebrum screams ” you’ll drown .”I am scared of every little and big activities like a student scared from the exam.
Eleanor Roosevelt had once said “Do one thing every day that scares you”, I do follow it. I have Nyctophobia but I walk at the corridor in the bloody darkness. My heartbeat runs as fast as a leopard but I still walk being soaked in sweat conferring terror in my monotonous face. I turn on the light, gets scared from my own shadow and run to the bedroom. I hide there in a blanket like a snail hiding in a shell, I’m in the bed thinking, “whether I’ll see tomorrow’s sun or not.” These kinds of stupid thoughts every time hijack my mind.
I walk with the crowd inside and am scared with the crowd outside.
This world is full of publicity, everyone is behind it. You can feel so high within a few intervals. For it, you just need the art of speaking, the world speaks for own promotion. My friends know that I write knowingly or unknowingly. They keep on suggesting “come out “. It often sounds like an echo in my ears being interpreted to some extent ” Come out in public. ”
I fear to look myself in the mirror of the bathroom, how can I think of public? I question myself but I remain silent and they, unanswered.
“Ka-chick”, Sound of camera afraid me. I have Agoraphobia, Enochlophobia.
When flash flickers form sky it cracks my nerves so hard with shock, I am motionless. In horror alley painted with black, my blood is boiled with floods in the body. When I am alone at home, my beat rate is beyond the limitation as soon as I hear the footsteps in my home. And, you might be guessing it right, yes! there comes a cycle of fears with the repetitive feature with the validity until the repetition of exhaling-&-inhaling keeps going.
When I analyse past, view the present and plan the future, I get a panic attack. Difficulty in breathing comes without any invitation. Last but not least, my fairy tale alerts to a nightmare.
Chuck Palahniuk, “Find out what you’re afraid of and go live there”. Though I am craven, I do dare to live with fears, because, that’s an alternative with no-alteration allowed.